3 bad habits preventing you from the life you want

Summary

three habits I’ve personally killed because they were quietly costing me the life I was trying to build.

1. complaining. I ran a seven-day no-complaint challenge a few years ago and it broke me open. I had no idea how much of my mental energy was going into low-grade complaint. once you start noticing it, you can’t unsee it. the rule: catch yourself mid-sentence, swap to action or silence. you’ll be shocked at the bandwidth that comes back.

2. making excuses. extreme ownership is the antidote. everything in your life is your responsibility, even the stuff that isn’t your fault. that sounds harsh until you sit with it. it’s actually the most freeing frame available, because if it’s all on you, you can also fix it all.

3. listening to the wrong people. taking life advice from people who haven’t lived the life you want is the most expensive habit in the list. your broke uncle’s business opinion. your unhappy coworker’s marriage advice. you cannot outwork the wrong inputs. either find mentors who’ve actually done it or pay for the advice from someone who has.

kill these three and the gap between where you are and where you want to be closes faster than any productivity hack will close it.

Transcript

, why removing beats adding

Success is not always about what you add. Oftentimes, it’s about what you remove. So today, let’s talk about three things you can remove to start seeing more progress and to become a better human. So I know my life drastically changed when I stopped doing these three things. I stopped complaining, I stopped making excuses, and I stopped listening to the wrong people.

, stop complaining (take the 7-day challenge)

So if we go back to the first one, when I stopped complaining, now I’m not perfect, but I had do my best not to complain. Years and years ago, I did this challenge with a friend where we decided, we challenged each other that we weren’t going to complain, not even the smallest bit for a full seven days.

I want you to take on this same challenge. A full seven days, no complaints whatsoever, and be hyper aware, and you’ll realize you probably complain about a lot of little things even if you don’t think that you do. Maybe you’re not sitting around complaining about your life or the big picture stuff, but you might be like, oh, I’m a little bit cold, or I’m a little bit hot, or this, that.

People complain so much. It’s like part of the human condition. Everyone wants to complain about something. It’s even very common amongst certain circles to sit around and complain. Let’s complain about our boss. Let’s go complain about how much money we don’t make, or how we’re underpaid, or whatever the case is.

I’ve been in those circles, and I hate it. I hate the mindset, I hate the direction it leads the conversation, and then everyone just kind of gets into this rhythm, this circular pattern of just sitting around and complaining. Stop freaking complaining. Take a seven day challenge. Take a 24 hour challenge.

Stop complaining, and I guarantee you’ll realize that complaining is of no benefit to you. I’ll never forget when I did that challenge, my wife was like, wow, this is actually quite different. Not because I was this massive complainer, it’s just because I would catch myself even on the little things, but I can’t say that.

I would turn everything around to a positive, or how it might be an opportunity for growth, and it is such a game changer. Another reason I don’t complain, my wife and I are both the same way, and if we are going to complain to the other person, our assumption, both of us, our assumption is that you want me to fix what you’re talking about.

Either I have the ability to fix it, or I don’t, and we’re gonna get frustrated if we can’t. And I know sometimes you just need to vent, but in our case, in our relationship, if you’re complaining, we are probably doing so the other person can help us fix it. Otherwise, just go fix the problem or ask for the help you need.

, stop making excuses (extreme ownership in action)

Don’t sit around and just complain when there’s no solution. It doesn’t do anyone any good. Okay, the second one is stop making excuses. You have to take full ownership of everything that’s happened to you in this life. Everything, your success, your fault, or your actions, your failure, your fault, your actions.

Everything is your fault. Take extreme ownership of every single situation. Now, maybe there is some example you can think of where it truly wasn’t your fault. Doesn’t matter. Maybe you could have planned. Maybe you could have not been in that situation at all. Like, for instance, if I go to New York City, or just any city in general, and I’m walking around at, you know, midnight, just on the street, and I get robbed.

You know, someone comes, takes my wallet, holds me up at gunpoint. Extreme example. But, and I’m like, oh, well, that’s not your fault. Some bad person came and stuck a gun in my face and took my wallet. Why did I need to be in New York City at midnight walking around? Like, you know stuff like that’s a bad decision, but a lot of people put themselves in these situations where they know something bad could possibly happen, and then when the bad happens, they’re like, oh, well, it’s not really my fault.

No, it is your fault. You could have not put yourself in that situation. You could have had a little bit of foresight to not be in that situation. Now, we don’t have to talk about getting robbed in a city at midnight, but think about other situations you might be in, whether relationships you’re a part of, decisions you’re making in business, bad financial decisions you’re putting yourself in, undue stress, like all these things that are completely unnecessary.

Everything is your fault, so stop making excuses. For me, that was incredibly freeing once I was like, look, it’s all your fault. Like, it’s you. Own every single thing that you can, every single action that you take, every single thing that happens to you or doesn’t happen to you. How is it your fault, or how can I own this?

And that way, that mindset helps you get ahead of things. It helps you see what could happen in the future when you start making decisions. You’re like, oh, well, where will this decision lead? You’re not making as many excuses anymore. You’re starting to make preparations. So things like don’t happen to you, the bad things don’t happen.

Some things are outside of your control, but most things you can control, especially when we’re talking about business, self-development, who you are as a person, how you react to things, all of that is within your control, so stop making excuses. Now, the last one is stop listening to the wrong people.

I know this can be difficult, especially for entrepreneurs who are early on in the process. You might be looking for feedback from somebody. So you’re asking a parent, a friend, an uncle, whatever. Your Uncle Billy doesn’t know if your website looks good, and your Aunt Martha doesn’t know if your marketing strategy is good.

And a lot of times, they’re spewing negativity, or your friends are, when they don’t know anything about your world and what you’re living. Okay, so do not take advice from those people. There is a good reason why high-level entrepreneurs are always talking about the masterminds they’ve been a part of, the mentorships they’ve had, the circles of high performance that they like to run around in.

, stop listening to the wrong people (your circle matters)

It’s because all of these people are people that you would wanna take advice from. As an entrepreneur, oftentimes, we have to create our own circles. A lot of times, we have to pay for these circles. We have to pay to have a seat at the table. It’s just how it is. I don’t know who started it. A lot of times, I’ve built some of my own masterminds, like locally with other high-level entrepreneurs, but at some point, it’s not the focus anymore.

You have to pay for your mentorships, your coaches. You have to pay to be around the right people. Once you can get over that, you’ll be around the right people. You’ll get the feedback you need. You’ll learn, you’ll shortcut success. When you sit around and you’re talking to your old high school buddies or family members who have no business giving you advice, they’re just gonna move you in the wrong direction.

Or they could 100% give you the best opinion. They could think it out. They could have a conversation with you, and they could be a good sparring partner, but ultimately, if they don’t have the experience that you are looking to go through, they’re not really helping you shortcut that in any way, shape, or form.

It’s not so much that the people that you hang out with or your family or anything, they’re inferior. It has nothing to do with that. It just has to do with, they might not have lived the thing that you’re going through, so maybe you need to get advice from someone else. It’s not just like a negative thing, like, oh, don’t listen to them, don’t hang out with them, don’t talk to them.

It’s not like that. Just when you’re looking for specific advice in entrepreneurship or self-development, if someone hasn’t been where you’re planning to go, there’s no reason to listen to them. That would be listening to the wrong people. So if you can do those three things, you will be making more progress and you will become a better human.

So just stop complaining, stop making excuses, and quit listening to the wrong people.