building a brand on effort and hard things

Summary

you can’t scale transformation without effort, and effort requires some suffering. four studies with over 1,600 participants show that for experiential products, coaching, training, therapy, mentorship, the worst thing you can do is pretend it’s easy.

most businesses get this exactly backwards. they put friction in the wrong place. the rule:

1. eliminate friction on the front end. onboarding, sign-up, first session, the first ten minutes of the experience. friction here kills you. people quit before they ever start.
2. embed effort on the back end. the actual transformation. the hard rep. the moment where the client wants to quit and you don’t let them. that effort is the product.

three questions to lock clients into the story of change:

1. who were you before this?
2. who are you becoming?
3. what’s the one rep that defined this week?

if you stop asking these questions, your client stops being the hero of their own story, and your retention dies with it.

why this matters more in the AI era: AI can give you a workout plan. AI can write you a meal plan. what AI cannot do is sit across from you, watch you struggle, and tell you to do one more rep. that’s the work. that’s the moat.

eliminate front-end pain. embed back-end effort. anchor every session in story.

Transcript

1600 people prove this: know when to make them suffer

four separate studies, 1,600 different participants, and they all point to the same thing. Know when to make your customers suffer. So, I did not come up with that terminology. I feel like suffering is a little bit of a harsh word to use when we’re talking about consumer behavior. Uh, but they defined it in the study as significant effort plus unpleasantness. So, here’s the deal. You can sell one of two things. You can sell material possessions. Think groceries, a watch, a camera, anything like that.

Or you can sell something that’s experiential and that’s a lot of the people I work with. So we’re talking about coaching, we’re talking about physical therapy, we’re talking about chiropractic care, like these kind of things, right? So someone has to experience something and suffering is very bad on the material side. If I have to wait in a line for 5 hours to get a watch, that’s bad. That’s suffering. That’s the type of suffering I don’t want to do.

But on the other side, suffering is kind of built in. And it depends on how you frame it as the coach, as the practitioner, as the professional, whether or not this suffering is going to be good in the minds of your customer. So, let’s dive into when to make a customer suffer and when you absolutely should not. And I’m going to be focusing on the experiential side of things cuz like I said, that’s those are the businesses I run.

Someone has to do something hard. They have to put in effort and I have to walk them through that. I don’t sell widgets. I don’t sell watches. I don’t sell any of that crap. So, I don’t care about that side of the study. And what I do care about is how to make them suffer appropriately. Now, I’ve been running multiple different companies, but one thing that I know I have obsessed over the last couple of years is the onboarding process or just the beginning steps a customer takes.

In fact, right now we’re revamping that process in my garage gym athlete company cuz I actually I absolutely hate the process the customer has to go through. We’ve tried to streamline it over the years.

why experiential products require effort

Uh, but we have a lot of things we’re working on to make it easier, faster, you know, to get people in the door because feedback I got, um, anytime someone would cancel or they wouldn’t work with me anymore, I’d always ask for feedback, send them a survey, something along those lines, and they would love the service and they might be moving on for one reason or another, but the biggest point of feedback I would get would be the onboarding process a lot of the times.

And that’s why I started to focus on it so much. They’re like, “Ah, I didn’t. There was like emails coming from different team members and like all these things. It was confusing.” And so, we had to really clean that up. And once you clean that up and the onboard process is smooth, your customers are happy. Because here’s the deal. When someone decides to buy whatever it is you sell, whether it’s inexpensive or expensive on like the coaching experiential side, they’re the most excited right after they buy it.

onboarding: eliminate all friction early

Then after that, there’s this gap where they’re like, “Okay, was this a bad decision?” You want to confirm that it was a good decision as fast as possible. I don’t care if you’re selling to them in person or digitally. You need to let them know immediately either in a welcome email, some sort of welcome series, like, “Hey, you made a great decision, and here’s why, and here are the next steps. Here’s how you’re going to work through this process.” I can’t tell you how many like high-end coaching programs or, you know, educational programs I’ve been a part of where I buy it and then I get crickets. you know, it’s like I didn’t I don’t hear anything for a while and I’m like, did I just make a decision?

Did I just get scammed? Like, what just happened? That is a terrible feeling. And I’m sure you’ve been in the same boat. So, here are the things that you want to focus on. Four things for making sure you’re doing this right in the experiential side of things. First, eliminate friction and material touch points. So, that’s checkout, sign up, onboarding, community access, any of these things.

the buyer’s regret gap…and how to close it fast

You want to make sure there’s no friction. It is a streamlined process. and go through this in your business once per quarter or once every 6 months. Have someone else audit it. And that’s what I have found to be the most beneficial is getting someone new with a fresh set of eyes who just kind of barely understand your business to go through the onboard process and give you feedback. Because if you’re going through it or a team member is going through it, they’re like, “Yeah, no crap.

You do this and then you do that.” Like they know it too well. So you need to take someone from outside of your scope, outside of your industry, outside of everything. Like I said, they just barely know what you do and walk them through the onboarding process and get feedback and then improve it from there.

how to embed meaningful struggle (the right way)

That’s thing number one. Thing number two is embed meaningful struggle in experiential work. So this is in your coaching sessions, your assignments, workouts, practices. What you’re starting to do is you’re letting them know that this is meaningful. Whatever they’re having to go through, if it’s a tough workout, let them know that, hey, you’re doing a tough workout. The work you’re doing is hard. because what they will start to relate to is a new identity of a person who can do hard things.

And when you start to shape someone’s identity, you’re really starting to lock in the experiential side of what you’re doing. And the mistake I see people doing in the experiential side, whether you’re, you know, PT, uh, fitness, whatever, is what we have to sell is hard. It’s hard. There’s no, it doesn’t matter what happens with AI. It doesn’t matter how easy. If you can get the perfect nutritionist meal plan and workout from chatbt, that’s cool. But at the end of the day, you have to do the work.

You have to put the food in your mouth. You have to go to the appointments. You have to do the hard things. AI can’t do that for you. And I don’t know when or if it will be able to do that for humans. So until then, coaches matter. Your work matters. And so glossing over the fact that what you have to do is hard. What you have to offer is hard is a mistake.

coaching is hard…stop pretending it isn’t

And that’s what people are doing. They’re like, “Yeah, I don’t really want to talk about how hard things are going to be.” Now, you don’t need to do that when you’re trying to sell them something. You don’t want to lie to them, but you don’t need to be like, “This is going to be the hardest thing that you’ve ever done. You’re going to completely reshape your identity.” But that’s what you want on the back end. You sell them like, “Hey, I want you to be here. like I’m going to help you achieve XYZ result and then once they’re going through the process and like oh man this is hard work affirm reaffirm that yes it is hard work and you are becoming the person who can do hard things.

So again, don’t don’t run from that. You got to lean into the fact that in all of the sessions that you have with your client, with your customer, reaffirm the fact that this is hard and they are the person who can do hard things. Now, next, this is frame any challenges they have as growth. And I came up with three specific questions, things that I’ve done over the years that I have I think have really made an impact in working with people.

And so the first one is, who do you become once you finish this program? And actually have them answer that question. Again, don’t run from the fact that these things are hard. Be like, “Hey, we’re about to go through a 12week training block together and this is not going to be easy. So, like, who do you become once this once you finish the program?

ask these 3 questions to build identity

Like, what kind of person are you?” Have them answer that question. Text them. Ask them. Ask them in person. Ask them over email. Ask for a response. Actually have them think and don’t let them get away with not answering. The second question is, “How will this program be a meaningful part of your success story?” What you have to remember is you have your story, your business, whatever you’re running, the reasons behind it, but their story comes and intersects with yours.

And you are the smallest tiniest bit of their story. And that’s what you have to remember at all times. Your customer, again, they don’t care that much about you. They do. I’m sure they’re nice people, but they’re not sitting around thinking about you, thinking about how your business is going, thinking about what you have to offer. or they’ve hired you for a specific thing and they want a result, right? That’s what they want. So asking them, hey, where do I fit in your overall success story, like where does that come to be?

And have them start to map that in their map that out in their minds and they’re going to get way more bought into what they’re doing with you. Now the third question is, how will it help you or how will this program, how will this service, how will us working together help you grow in other areas of life? Now, this is one where they’re going to be like, “Whoa, are you my therapist?” And we’re not trying to go down that road, but it’s like, “Hey, if you learn to work hard here, you learn to push yourself here.”

why clients aren’t thinking about you (and what to do)

Like, where does that help you in being a father? Where does that help you in being a mother? How does that help you show up at work as a friend? You start to ask these hard questions and people are starting to really lean in to the experiential side. Again, the biggest mistake I’ve seen with all these experiential offers, coaching, physical therapy, chiropractors, they gloss over the fact that what you have to offer is hard, is not acknowledged in the process.

We don’t want to talk about it. We’re think people are going to be scared of it, but they’re already committed to the outcome. So, you have to let them know, hey, this is hard. You can do hard things. You’re that type of person, and this is a part of your success story. Who are you becoming? How will this shape your future? What part of this, you know, how will this be a part of your overarching story?

These questions can be asked and people will respond and once they start to click at this higher level, they will lean in.

anchor progress in story…every single session

They will lean in and they will become way more bought in. They will do the things you need them to do. They won’t get stuck on not doing the program because it’s not just again chatbt throw chatbt can throw out the perfect program for whatever you offer. If you offer something right now, I bet chatbt can offer the plan on paper just as good as you can. But what they can’t do is lock a person in.

Get them bought in with their mind. Now the last thing is anchor the experience in story. So every time you’re working with a client, customer, patient, whatever you call your customer, you have to make sure that you are shaping this as a part of their story because they will tell the story of doing hard things. So if you are reiterating this fact, not just asking the questions I said one time, it’s re reiterating that, anchoring on that, building on it the next time.

Because if I ask, how will this help you grow in other areas of life? Or who do you become when you finish this program? And they’re like, well, who do I become? I become a person who could do hard things. I’m a person who can achieve the next goal. Like whatever their answer is, I’m not going to be done in session one and never talk about that again. I’m going to anchor that and then I’m going to move forward the next time.

I’m going to remember that if I have to take notes or whatever to remember next time I see them. Hey, you are the person who can do hard things. And you know, you’re going to you’re going to give me some effort today. You know, and this is more in a fitness capacity where I’m most comfortable and what I’ve done a lot of work in. But that’s the direction you want to go. Anchor the responses and to the questions I gave you and then build on them. build their story because they’re not going to build that story on their own.

And if you help them build that every time you see them and you’re building like, hey, you took step one last time, you’re taking in step two, you are making progress, they start to formulate the story. You’re doing it for them, but they start to formulate that story and now they can push through and they can do the hard things. So if you start to do all of these things, you lean into that suffering. Going back to the beginning here, you want your customers to suffer in the right way.

final rule: eliminate front end pain, embed back end effort

So if you have something hard, if all I have to sell you ultimately at the end of the day is effort and that’s all I actually sell. Like I do business coaching, I do fitness coaching and all I really have for people at the end of the day is effort. Like here’s the path and what’s required to walk down that path. Effort. I’m not going to pretend like there’s no hard hardship. I’m not going to pretend like this is easy.

I’m not going to pretend like you can do this no problem. I’m not going to pretend like that. And that’s where a lot of uh coaches and clinicians are just glossing over this fact. You have to realize that they’re this the suffering on the front end you want to completely eliminate. Get them onboarded easily. Make sure they know how to do things. They can log in all of that. Eliminate that crap. But on the back end, lean into it.

That’s where your customers will suffer. But if you make them suffer well doing the things that we’ve talked about, they will get more bought in and you will have more customers, more referrals. This will be a better strategy for you than just being like, “Oh yeah, it’s hard. Uh, I don’t want to talk about it.” So, implement and try harder and watch your business grow. [Music]